Literally seconds before we heard the retching, we were laying in bed, lights off, talking about finances.
“Babe, you have a well-paying job, and your practice continues to grow—“
was just coming out of my mouth when something else came out of hers.
Hugh and I both ran upstairs, quick enough to get the bulk of it but not fast enough to not have her scared (from not being able to sit up on her own but needing to) and bath-worthy.
The finance conversation would have to continue another night.
“And calling to him (Jesus) a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, ‘Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. “- Matthew 18:2
Do you ever feel like a child trying to live in an adult’s body?
I don’t care how old you are- sometimes, our responsibilities feel too heavy for us to carry.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”- Matthew 11:28
I hear You, Lord.
I read Your promise. But there are physical loads (for me, two precious, getting heavier girls) and tangible bills and needs that-point blank- feel like our burden.
The last time we were in the hospital, I remember looking around the room.
The wheelchair(s).
The feeding tube(s).
The breathing machine.
The seizures.
The medical record(s) with more diagnoses than I could count, casually strewn throughout the paper.
I know it seems like we are used to this whole, “twins with a super rare genetic disorder” thing; but the truth is, sometimes I see my reflection pushing the girls in a grocery store and I shake my head in disbelief.
Isn’t that all of us?
Those of us who have lived enough life to carry the title of spouse, parent, teacher or whatever job the Lord has you in- don’t you have moments where it just feels like too much? Where it feels- point blank- ridiculous that you are doing the things you are?
“And calling to him (Jesus) a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.“- Matthew 18:2-4, emphasis mine
The second part.
Whoever humbles himself like this child.
What did “this child”- that child- do?
He came when Jesus called.
Easy yet as profound as that.
Friends, God doesn’t want us to be like infants that require spiritual milk when it comes to faith. He desires us to be mature and grounded in the Word and in His promises. When we think about Christ and His desires for us, we must combine both 1 Corinthians 3:2 with 1 Peter 2:2. God desires us to long for pure spiritual milk- so much so that He is not going to feed us meat until we are ready for it.
Am I making sense to anyone?
I am not sure how we got from left to right.
The people on right have a lot more wrinkles, a lot more fatigue, and a lot more “adult” in them if you will. But you know what?
Along with that- God has taught us to be like infants in His arms.
He has shown us the sweetness of drinking pure spiritual milk- getting our nourishment from Him and Him alone.
And, when I feel like I just can’t “adult” anymore- He doesn’t ask me to.
Like a child, He simply asks me to come to Him in faith and trust that He will provide.
All He asks is that I do the next thing- resting safely in the comfort of who He is instead of fixating on the discomforts of the world around me.
Today, for me, that looks like washing sheets and folding clothes.
It fleshes out as lifting the girls one more time, and then another, and keeping them clean, fed, and cared for.
It will be seen in the moments that I’m tempted to wonder, “Is illness on its way?”- for those will be the times in which I must jump back into the Perfectly-Able Arms of the Father.
It will appear, as I read in Ecclesiastes this morning, in the moments which I, “don’t remember much the days of my life” because God is, “keeping me occupied with joy in my heart” (Ecclesiastes 5:20).
What will it look like for you?
Friends, my prayer for me- for you- today is that we don’t feel like we have to be adults. Whether we are 15 or 105, may we take all our fears, worries, tasks, and doubts to the throne and ask the Lord to do “all the things” through us. And, when we find it all feeling too much, may we have the humility to drop a few tasks at hand and simply do the next thing He puts in front us.
He loves us fiercely.
At all times.
In all things.
To Him be the glory.
Seeds and Leaven 