This is going to be a very raw, not thought-out post. It comes directly from a pregnant momma’s heart. In the beginning of this pregnancy, I found myself so convinced of God’s sovereignty and plan in it all. I was completely comfortable with my “out of controlness” in our pregnancy and in the future He had planned for us. But as days turned to weeks and weeks have turned to months, anxiety has creeped in as it sneakily can. I found myself weeping when we hit “the week of viability”. Weeping because I was so grateful; and weeping because the closer it gets to our due date, the more desperately I want healthy, fully developed little ones. You see, I had gone from “whatever You will” to frantically trying to grab onto what I wanted the story to look like. The problem in that, as we all know, is that there is no way of knowing the different chapters of the story. Beyond that, the story is not about you, is not about me, and is not about these sweet baby girls. The story is about Him. And as His child, I must trust that He works ALL things together for good. That I may not know or get all the details of the plan, and that seemingly hard times may arise, but that He is still wholly good. As I was meditating on Psalm 139 (which my amazing, God-fearing husband is memorizing during this pregnancy might I add), God spoke so many truths to me through the different portions of the scripture. I pray He uses those realities to speak into your life tonight as well.
“For You formed me in my inward parts, You knitted me together in my mother’s womb…”- Simple enough. He formed us. Each and every one of us. In the midst of our sin, in the midst of our disabilities, problems, and disillusions, He formed us. We did not form ourselves (nor one another) so who are we to question anything about how we or others were made?
“I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.”- Purely stated, not only did He state, “It is good” as He was knitting each of us together, our souls, the depths of who we are, knows that truth. At the core of who you and I are, we are aware that there is beauty in each and every one of us. Why? Because of the One who fearfully and wonderfully created us.
“My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth…”- I am just SO ready to see these girls. To meet them, to look at their precious little fingers and toes…He is RIGHT THERE with them as they are being created BY HIM. There is so much that is still “secret” to Hugh and I about our daughters; but He is intimately with them already.
“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me…”- He knew each of us before we were a thought or possibility in others’ minds. He already knows each and every day of the lives of our unborn children because He determined them long ago.
As He gently reminded me of these truths tonight, the Lord whispered to my heart, “If this is all true, don’t you think you can trust my heart and my plans for the daughters I have entrusted to your family? If I am the One who thought of them, who thought of you, before the beginning of time, and if I am the One who has been knitting them together so delicately in your very womb, aren’t I to be trusted with every detail of their future?” YES, Lord. You absolutely are. So, my friends, whether I meet my little girls tomorrow or 10 weeks from now… He is in charge. And that is GOOD news.