My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise You with joyful lips, when I remember you…- Psalm 63:5,6a
Stillness without rest.
This is the way I would describe the last week of my life.
If our souls were present on the external, you would have seen mine restless and all kinds of worked up.
Yesterday morning, when I finally felt like I was able to be ‘mom’ a little more, I found myself breathe a sigh of relief; and, simultaneously, I found myself feeling a bit charred inside.
“Thus says the Lord, ‘Stand by the roads and look; ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is, then walk in it and you will find rest for your souls.”- Jeremiah 6:16
I think it has been in the works for a while.
God doesn’t miss anything; yet, He patiently waits for the right moment to open our eyes to what’s really going on around and inside of us.
What is rest?
Google defines it as this:
to cease work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength.
This sounds good and well- but how do any of us find rest if that is the true definition?
“Thus says the Lord, ‘Stand by the roads and look, ask for ancient paths, where the good way is; then you will find rest for your souls.” – Jeremiah 6:16
Could it be that this is not only what we need but something that’s attainable?
For the first four years or so of the girls’ lives, I can honestly tell you that my soul felt at rest.
It’s unexplainable really.
With Hugh working 80 plus hours a week in residency, myself in the midst of no family in town and- at the time- no nursing care, I literally found myself feeling at peace on more days than not. God’s grace, for sure.
For the past few months, Hugh now working “normal” hours, all of us now getting (usually) more sleep than before and having (somewhat) less of constant chaos- my soul has been restless. I have pushed through, assuming it was a test or trial of faith to deepen it all the more; and then, last week happened.
In the midst of not being able to do anything for my family for a few days, I heard the Lord whisper a simple yet profound truth that has changed everything.
“I would have loved you if”.
This phrase played and replayed in my head for quite some time, and then the answers came flooding in.
I will spare you the details of all my, “if’s”, but there’s a question I want to pose to you today.
Christ-follower: do you know at the depths of your soul- with every ounce of your being- that God would have loved you- does love you- will continue to love you- solely on the basis of who He is and whose you are?
He would love you if you didn’t write that book.
He would love you if you hadn’t gone to that seminary.
He would love you if you weren’t involved at that church or in that ministry.
He would love you if that struggle never goes away.
Beloved: God loves you.
Don’t misunderstand me: Jesus changes people. His love produces change in people.
And, if we find ourselves in a season where our work seems more important than His unconditional love, it’s time to take a step back and let the Lord remind us.
It’s time to let our souls find rest in His love again.
I stood over Ally as I watched her have a seizure last night- five minutes after having the pulse ox on Bailey Grace as she seized as well. I felt weary.
“The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances”- Elisabeth Elliot
I know this to be true. I have seen God make this true in our lives time and time again. But right now? My soul is tired. And so, to love the people in front of me well- I’m going to need to take a step back for a bit.
For a season that only God can determine the length of, I will not be posting weekly Facebook live videos.
I might be sharing a little bit less of what God is doing in my heart (but do not fear- God is God and He will continue to do His great work!)
I plan on continuing to share as He leads.
This season may only last a few months, weeks, days.
Only He knows.
Yet, the posture of my heart is shifting to be one that says, yet again, as it should have always, ‘Lord, I need you to be my rest’.
I am breathing deeper this morning as I look forward expectantly to finding my rest in Him again.
There is so much beauty around us- there is so much God around us- and I plan on savoring and seeking and seeing all that he places in front of me.
Friends, the subtitle of His Hands, His Feet, His Heart is, “Learning to See God in All Things and Longing For You to Do the Same”- and oh, how I long for this for all of us.
How lavish His love for us.
How true are His promises.
How perfect His ways.
He would have love you if.
To Him be the glory forever.