I sat on the couch, Bible in front of me, coffee in hand.
He had been pressing in for almost a year now, and I had met Him with a response that said clearly, ‘Not now, Lord. Maybe not ever. You have got to be kidding me.’
How could I believe that He saw, that His ways were wise, when the very thing He was beginning to lead our family to do felt impossible.
“I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all of my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.”- Psalm 34:4-5
Okay, God. If you want to talk about this, let’s go for it.
I began to list each and every one of my fears, the tears getting more and more frequent as I went on. I realized all too quickly that every fear I brought to Him was met with a similar response:
That’s mine to carry. That’s my responsibility. I will provide.
The weight began to feel less heavy as I started to slowly let go of my own logic and begin to hold on to the promises of His Word.
I thought back on that very first day in the hospital with Ally and Bailey Grace. The day that they breathed their first precious breaths and our parenting journey with them began.
I didn’t know how to change a diaper that day; I knew I was unequipped to handle whatever was to come, so I simply began to pray-fervently- for His hand and His help.
And that was enough.
Now, a million diapers down and many more to go, He has walked us through more challenges than I could have ever anticipated; things that would have taken my breath away and caused me to run had I not known the joy and the intimacy with our Maker that would be to come.
I wouldn’t change a moment; for all moments have been His and one thing has been clear: He has kept us.
So, as I sat there on the couch that day, I began to gain a fierce confidence- not in Hugh or myself, not in our own abilities- yet a profound trust that the God who had walked us through the past few years would not call us into something and leave us there.
He is coming with us.
As I cling to Him and as tears roll down my eyes, I share with you our family’s #byanymeanspossible :
Only God Himself could take my fears and turn it into utter JOY, LOVE, and PEACE in this new piece of our story. To Him be ALL the glory!
SO much more to share on Monday.