“For all that has been, thanks, for all that will be, yes.”- Dag Hammarskjold
November 2013. This time last year, we were preparing for the first of many appointments that would be full of unknowns. November 14, 2013. It was the first neurology appointment in which we really began processing that our version of normal, our expectations for life, were potentially going to look differently. I know this specific date because this also happens to be my birthday. I remember waking up that morning and feeling somewhat sorry for myself that I would be spending my birthday in such a sterile, somber situation. I remember thinking to myself, “I can do this one year. My birthday next year will surely look different.” Almost as if we were getting a lifetime of hard out of the way in one appointment.
This week, we have several doctor’s appointments, and therapy as usual. As I sat reading God’s word this morning, I smiled and felt genuine praise rising out of my soul. It’s incredible how much God has used the blessing of our girls to undo and remold my thinking about “my” life. This year, I have no expectations for my birthday other than that God will be there; and I know that’s enough. I am not surprised by the appointments of this week simply because I know He is not. I am assured in the depths of who I am that whatever each day holds in His best for us. I have seen Him reshape this stubborn, sinful, selfish woman’s heart through the suffering He saw fit and He brought with love; and I anticipate He will do just that in the year to come in whatever ways He chooses. I have seen Him show His mighty strength in the midst of my utter weakness. I am so grateful for every detail of our family’s story, because I know it is bringing Him glory and us good. And, however He chooses to continue to write out this journey He has lended us, unknowns and all, I am not afraid because I trust He will give us the ability to walk in it. Why? Because once you take one step of faith, once you trust Him with faith the size of a mustard seed, He will give you the supernatural strength to carry on regardless of what the next step holds. Faith without eyes. Faith, not sight. This has been the story of our year; and in the midst of my stumbling, He took the mustard seed faith and has carried us faithfully. So, moving forward: for all that has been, thanks; for all that will be yes.
Friends, this is our heart’s cry solely because of Him. My prayer for you this week is that you would be able to look back, or look forward, and, with open hands, give Him your mustard seed of faith. He will never disappoint in meeting you right where you need to be met. Let’s pray for the strength to look back in thanks and look forward with confidence in the One whose love will never fail us.